![]() Maybe I was trying desperately to latch onto anything resembling human emotion in this movie, but I noticed shades of the Paris Je T’aime segment with Margo Martindale in this scene - except here, a branded phone extension is reflecting on her life via someone else’s emotions via a tech brand. ![]() ![]() There’s a scene where Mary Meh (Jennifer Coolidge) wanders through a frozen Parisian landscape, tinted with the oppressive sunset-shades of some Instagram filter, and sits by a fountain, reflecting on how the world has passed her by. Gene’s parents, two meh emoji, rebuild their marriage while on a trip through Alex’s family’s Instagram photos from a past trip to Paris. There, with dead eyes, Akiko continues to run through the motions of her dance, the one thing she knows how to do, even though she now has no purpose and will soon disappear from existence. When the Just Dance app gets deleted, Akiko’s sent to the trash, alongside a few trolls and a spam email (voiced by Rachael Ray, who, like Xtina, deserves better). The emoji journey to a Just Dance app - apparently something that exists? - which is run by a spunky character named Akiko Glitter, voiced by Christina Aguilera. To be fair, the internet habits of any 14-year-old are probably pretty horrifying in general - best not to think too hard about this. (B) The app is full of trolls, which makes you wonder where this kid has been spending his time on the internet. (A) This app is disguised as a dictionary, and I’m very worried about this boy’s language skills ( The Emoji Movie, as a whole, tends to disrespect the old-fashioned, “uncool” idea of words). Hi-5 consumes a large amount of candy through his mouth - some of which he later vomits up, then eats again - but does not appear to have other orifices.ĭo emoji have mouths that double as anuses, like starfish? Do they even need food? Or does the fact that they’re used by humans force them to emulate our own base desire to consume, consume, consume, consume?Īs part of his “malfunction,” Gene can make a whole variety of emoji faces, but never does a girl face.Īfter escaping their home app, Gene and Hi-5 meet a hacker named Jailbreaker in the hacking app that their user, Alex, has installed. Would Hi-5 eat the babies? Won’t somebody think of the children? Hi-5 claims to have a sugar addiction, which we discover when the emoji arrive in the Candy Crush app - but what is his source of sugar in his home app?įood emoji abound in the emoji home app of Textopolis - so do other emoji eat them? Are emoji cannibals? At one point, Gene, the meh emoji who is our hero, says hello to a doughnut emoji and her cute little doughnut children. The Emoji Movie Didn’t Deserve Christina AguileraĪt one point, the characters all get stuck in a game of Candy Crush, while the movie plays the sound effects from Candy Crush and everyone says “Candy Crush” dozens of times. One wonders whether Hi-5 - as the character voiced by James Corden is stylized - would be a Trump voter, sympathizing with an oppressive class losing its privileges. “Racial subtext abounds,” as Emily Yoshida put it. Much of the high-five emoji’s motivation comes from the fact that he has been displaced from the popular lounge by the fist bump and believes he deserves attention again. (At one point, the film reveals the eggplant is one of the least popular emoji - just wait a few years, and then it’s gonna be ruled by aubergine.) The emoji operate under a vicious class system, wherein the most popular emoji enjoy their own club and amenities denied to the rest of the emoji.Įmoji basically live in high school all the time, a horror compounded by the fact that the phone they live in is owned by a 14-year-old boy. This is but a taste of what’s to come, but I strongly believe that you should only change studio and production-company logos for films that are actually good. The film places an emoji over the Columbia Pictures logo. Here are 17 of the most upsetting, weirdest moments from The Emoji Movie, which will haunt me for the rest of my days. The moment you begin thinking too hard about any aspect of the film, it becomes apparent that it is nothing less than an existential horror show. But as a disturbing example of what happens when you try to turn a brand into a movie, it’s darkly fascinating. On a surface level, it tells a story of self-empowerment so bland and meaningless it was once literally titled EmojiMovie: Express Yourself. Photo: Sony Pictures Animation/CTMG, Inc.Īs an attempt to turn the available intellectual property of text-message glyphs into a coherent narrative, The Emoji Movie is a failure.
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